FIRST DRAFT

Meeting the “unknown”
You can go from the known to the unknown within seconds, it’s a scary feeling. Not knowing
what to expect. Not knowing what’s next. Maybe that’s why I used to like to feel control over
many things in my life, to not face the unknown. One second you can look down to see your two
legs and then the next second you can look down again and now you have one. How much will
your life change?. Now maybe it was exaggerating it too much but my point is how from one
second to the next your whole life can change.
Throughout my childhood, I never felt as if I was missing something in my life. Not the best
relationship with my siblings as I was the youngest at the moment. My older brother was 12
years old and my older sister was 10 years old. They would each go their own separate way, but
at the moment I did not understand why. However, as a 6-year-old, I would be the happiest little
girl being by my dad’s side. I would be daddy’s little girl and till this day I feel like I am. I was
inseparable from my father’s side. I would go to him to the supermarket, to his soccer games and
to fix his car. My dad would pick up money from his clients around the neighborhood since he
provided internet for them. Every time I would see him take out his bike I would run down the
stairs and get ready to sit at the front. I never truly thought how heavy I was until… well now. I
just enjoyed it so much being with my dad. I know not everyone can say the same as having a
great childhood, but I am happy to say that my dad’s love was enough to make me remember a
good childhood. I didn’t always give him the best time as a father. I had this issue with never
finishing my food fast or even at a normal pace. I would spend hours sitting in front of the table
looking at my plate with the tv on and my dad in the kitchen cleaning up. If you were to be our
neighbors, all you would hear every day around 3 in the afternoon is my dad’s complaints “
Hurry up and EAT your food” and then, you would hear me say “ I AM EATING” as I continued
crying. I can’t tell you why I took so long but I remember I would just stare at my plate and play
with the food. Sometimes I would mix the rice and chicken with mayonnaise on top and make a
shape on my plate like a pizza. Then I would cut it into slices, exactly four pieces and I would
slowly eat with my spoon each piece. Maybe it was the shows playing on the tv while I was
eating that kept me there but it was too much drama for my 6 years old eyes. Thinking about it,
now I can see that’s where I got my taste in tv shows till this very point. I realized my dad was
very patient with me.
I remembered in school, my dad would always pick me up right on time. I used to have this
friend who would get picked up by her mom all the time. We would go on the same bus on our
way home. Weirdly, I do not remember having any sort of feelings about the absence of a mom
in my life. In many situations, I came across a mom figure in front of me but I did not feel or ask
myself “ where is my mom?”. As I mentioned, I came to the conclusion my dad felt like enough
and he played the role of a mom and dad pretty well. It never made me question myself, “ How
come I do not have my mom with me?”. Little did the 6-year-old me know how this would come
to affect her later on in her life for many years.
It was a regular school day as I came out at exactly two in the afternoon. The teacher guided us
to the front gate to watch as our parents come one by one to pick us up. I come up closer to the
gate, looking left and right for my dad. I almost got my head stuck in between the two metals. As
I move back, I see a woman that looked exactly like the pictures my cousins and many of my
family members had shown me but I truly never paid any attention to them. I come to be shocked
with mixed emotions of surprise, confusion, and was I supposed to feel happy?. My mom… the
sound of that felt weird but there she was, with a big smile and then I see my dad behind her. All
I knew of the woman called “ your mom” was that she was not with us nor did she feel like
someone who was supposed to mean something to me. Later on, my life took a big change that
stayed with me forever and it was once pure pain. With the eyes of a six-year-old, I was being
separated from my dad, my home, and the only person I ever felt safe with. Just like that within
seconds… my life was now with a woman so-called “your mom”, I did not understand. As
walking in the airport with the denial that “ my dad is not gonna leave me” all the way inside the
airplane my heart was shattering slowly, and painfully within each heartbeat as I took another
step away from him. I had wished everything was a dream and that my dad was in my room
trying to wake me up.
Now, I have spent about half my life with my dad and half with my mom, as well as my home
country, Peru, and here in New York. It was definitely a process that I can say not that long ago it
was something I was able to change my perspective. In my first years here I would live in denial
wanting to go back with my dad. Every day here was living in the unknown, school, home, and
the question I would ask myself every day while looking at the sky “ when will I see my dad
again?” expecting God to answer me or give me a sign. This definitely was the worst foot to start
a relationship with my mom. I barely knew who she was and I was constantly living off the pain
I felt for being away from my dad. I grew angry inside and confused as my mom would explain
to me how things truly went down. However, the little six-year-old me still was hurt and nothing
was gonna make her feel better but just be with her dad again and go back to the known where
she was comfortable and happy. It took a lot of time to come to understand why my mom had to
do what she had to do. After all, it was all for “us” her children but like any other decision there
are always consequences and for my mom, it was being unable to raise and watch her children as
they grow up. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to have to get off the taxi watching
your six-month-old daughter crying as she is being carried by your mom, and you are about to
take an airplane to another country without knowing when you will be able to see your kids
again. Many things have happened for us as a family to be where we are right now, every tear
has led us to where we are right now. As a family, we found our way to live together rather than
going about our own way. Many years later I can finally say that I and my mom have a truly
healthy relationship and I am so grateful for what she has done for us even until this very
moment.

PEER REVIEW

FINAL DRAFT

   Meeting The “Unknown” 

      You can go from the known to the unknown within seconds, it’s a scary feeling. Not knowing what to expect. Not knowing what’s next. Maybe that’s why I used to like to feel control over many things in my life, to not face the unknown. One second you can look down to see your two legs and then the next second you can look down again and now you have one. How much will your life change?. Now maybe I was exaggerating it too much as losing a leg but what I’m trying to express is that life can be so unexpected at times and we don’t always know how to react.

       Throughout my childhood, I had never felt as if I was missing something in my life. I certainly did not have the best relationship with my siblings as I was the youngest at the moment. My older brother was twelve years old and my older sister was ten years old. Each would go their own separate way, but at the moment I did not understand what was truly going on. However, as a six-year-old, I felt like the happiest little girl always being by my dad’s side. I would be “daddy’s” little girl and to this day I feel like I still am. I was inseparable from my father’s side. I would go with him to the supermarket for groceries to his soccer games or to fix his car. My father’s side job was to provide internet to our neighbors and we would pick up money from his clients around the neighborhood since he provided the internet for them. Every time I would see him take out his bike I would run down the stairs and get ready to sit at the front. I never truly thought how heavy I was until… well now. I just enjoyed a lot being with my dad. I know not everyone can say the same as having a great childhood, but I am happy to say that my dad’s love was enough to make me remember a good childhood. I didn’t always give him the best time as a father and I now realize that. I had this issue with never finishing my food fast or even at a normal pace. I would spend hours sitting in front of the table looking at my plate with the television on and my dad in the kitchen cleaning up after everyone finished their plate, except me of course. If you were to be our neighbors, all you would hear every day around three in the afternoon would be my dad’s complaints “ Hurry up and EAT your food” and then, you would hear me say “ I AM EATING” as I continued crying. I can’t tell you why I took so long but I remember I would just stare at my plate and play with the food. Sometimes I would mix the rice and chicken with mayonnaise on top and make a shape on my plate like a pizza. Then, I would cut it into slices, exactly four pieces and I would slowly eat with my spoon each piece. Maybe it was the shows playing on the tv while I was eating that kept me there although it was too much drama for my six-year-old eyes. Thinking about it, now I can see that’s where I got my taste in TV shows till this very day. Eventually, I came to realize that my dad was extremely patient with me and still is.

      Throughout my days in school, my dad would always pick me up right on time. I used to have this friend who would get picked up by her mom all the time. We would go on the same bus on our way home. Weirdly, I do not remember having any sort of feelings about the absence of a mom in my life. In many situations, I came across a mom figure in front of me but I did not feel or ask myself “ where is my mom?”. As I mentioned, I came to the conclusion that my dad felt like enough and he played the role of a mom and dad pretty well. It never made me question myself, “ How come I do not have my mom with me?”.  Little did the six-year-old me know how this would come to affect her later on in her life for many years.

         As it was a regular school day, I came out at exactly two in the afternoon. One of the teachers guided us to the front gate to watch as our parents come one by one to pick us up. I come up closer to the gate, looking left and right for my dad. I almost got my head stuck in between the gap of the gates. As I move back, I see a woman that looked exactly like the pictures my cousins and many of my family members had shown me but I truly never paid any attention to them. I came to be shocked with confusion, was I supposed to feel happy?. My mom… the sound of that felt weird but there she was, with a big smile and then I saw my dad behind her. All I knew of the woman called “ your mom” was that she was not with us nor did she feel like someone who was supposed to mean something to me. Later on, my life took a big change that stayed with me forever and it was once pure pain. My “mom” had planned for us to move to New York with her. With the eyes of a six-year-old, I was being separated from my dad, my home, and the only person I ever felt safe with. Just like that within seconds… my life was now with a woman so-called “your mom”, I did not understand. As walking into the airport with the denial that “ my dad is not gonna leave me” all the way inside the airplane, my heart was shattering slowly, and painfully each heartbeat as I took another step away from him. I had wished everything was a dream and that my dad was in my room trying to wake me up.

          I have spent about half my life with my dad and half with my mom, as well as in my home country, Peru, and here in New York. It was definitely a process that I can say not that long ago it was something I was able to change my perspective on. In my very first years here I would live in denial wanting to go back with my dad. Every day here I was living in the unknown, school, home, and the question I would ask myself every day while looking at the sky “when will I see my dad again?” expecting God to answer me or give me a sign. Essentially, this was definitely the worst foot to start a relationship with my mom. I barely knew who she was and I was constantly living off the pain I felt for being away from my dad. I grew angry inside and confused as my mom would try to explain to me how things truly went down. However, the little six-year-old me was still hurt and nothing was gonna make her feel better but just be with her dad again and go back to the known where she was comfortable and happy. It took a lot of time to come to understand why my mom had to do what she had to do. After all, it was all for “us” her children but like any other decision there are always consequences and for my mom, it was being unable to raise and watch her children as they grow up. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to have to get off the taxi watching your six-month-old daughter crying as she is being carried by your mom, your six-year-old son, and five-year-old daughter while you are about to take an airplane to another country without knowing when you will be able to ever see your kids again. Many things have happened for us as a family to be where we are right now, every painful moment has led us to where we are right now. We aren’t the perfect family nor perfect people, there will always be bad things but we learn how to confront them. Personally, from constant tries of maintaining a healthy relationship with my mom was extremely draining and I have come to understand that I cannot condemn myself for not being the specific way someone expected me to be.

SELF-ASSESSMENT

     I found it interesting as I had never written a literacy narrative and especially since we got to pick our topic. However, it was not easy as I felt like I was not very organized with my story at the beginning for example what to add on and what not to add in order to not lose track of what I’m writing. Also, the feedback that we received on our first drafts helped me to see what others see when they read my words. Then being able to read others’ literacy narratives was interesting and we had a rubric to follow which made it easier to identify what they were missing but also gave me an idea of what I was missing in my paper. Overall, I felt satisfied with the learning outcomes and it was a self-reflection of how I like to write but also what needed to be worked on not only as a writer but as a reader.